God's providence? Or wrath?

A pastor recently told me that he believed that God has "sheltered" His children who are faithful to him and kept them safe from the recent financial mess. Well, his assessment may indeed be true, at least for his congregation, but I immediately was reminded about news of declining tithes and contributions from churches elsewhere. Politely and respectfully, I replied to him that I was glad that his church was doing OK, however I cautioned the pastor that the situation is not as rosy everywhere else.

I did not judge this pastor of implying anything, but I just worry that some Christians may indeed take His words for its face value. There is a widespread belief that God will bless those who are faithful literally and at any given time. I just simply can't agree to it for some sound theological reasons. I believe that we cannot simply judge one's spiritual condition based on one's financial condition. I am sure I don't have to remind anyone of the story of Job, the godly man of God who lost almost everything, except his wife who asked him to curse God and die.
(Surprisingly and for some unknown reasons to me, except for God's mercy, that the woman survived and God did not seem to punish her for her harsh comment -because the Bible did not mention whether she ever died or whether Job remarried or not- We only know that Job later begot more children).

Honestly, as the economy worsened for me personally, I also often asked myself, is this terrible economy really God's wrath for my unfaithfulness or for my past sins? I often concurred that while it may be partly true, I also think that it may not be very wise to simply judge one's spiritual condition simply by looking at their financial condition. I am also more tempted to give to the church while hoping that God will repay more back many times as He promised. He did, to a certain extent, but I still am hesitant to give more since there's hardly more than $60 in my pocket at any given time these days. Ah, maybe I am a man of little faith...

But I noticed and heard stories about some people who continued to give and tithe and God blessed them and lifted them out of the deep financial holes. I truly am happy for them that (hopefully) the story will lead people to glorify God more instead of mock or curse Him. However, as a person who has responsibility to pay lots of bills (plus a demanding wife), I have to at least keep a $20 bill in my pocket to buy our lunch or dinner for the day. I don't know, maybe that's why God's withheld His blessings from me. But honestly, I am just trying to make sure I have foods for the day.

Call me a man of little faith, a lost and prodigal son, I don't really know and maybe I don't really care anymore. I have to admit that I am quite lost myself in this case, as I can't hear His still small voices anymore. Maybe He turned His face away from me because of my sins... or was it a trial? I am not sure frankly, I am probably just like a blind man looking for a safe exit route while trapped in a treacherous land with enemies and deceivers lurking around, while searching for the presence of the only One who can save me.

Honestly, I sometimes think maybe I really am lost, and other times I don't think so... Perhaps, I am really just fighting for foods with the swines while forgetting the fact that I have the ever-forgiving Father who always welcomes me with open arms, but I am afraid I just can't help it... I never ever felt so worry in my life before... Never. I may not have money at all when I was in high school or college, but I survived maybe because at that time, I only have myself to worry of. I can skip lunch and/or dinner, I can save money by relying on the mercy of others. I don't have to buy new clothes or cosmetics... I hardly had any of those at all in my high school and college years. I remember some people who teased me for "rotating" my shirts too often... but I did not care.

But now, it's a different story. My wife does care for those small little stuffs. She threw away some of my oldest shirts (the ones I had from high school or college years). She wants me to buy good perfumes and nice smelling fragrances, which I enjoyed but didn't think that I really need them. She also wants to buy certain cosmetics and hygiene needs... Now, I am hosed. Should I be acting as a wicked hubby? Jesus said even wicked parents will not give stone in lieu of bread, or snake in lieu of fish.

Now I can understand more why some people did the most unbelievable things in this world... Maybe, just maybe it was simply because they have no better options. Sadly, those who are more privileged or more well-versed in God's words often blocked the way, just like the Pharisees and religious leaders were taking advantage of the poor widows in Jesus' days in the world. I will no longer guess for the true reasons behind one's actions... I am not God, and I can't read anyone's mind (I am not even sure if I understand my own mind completely). Let God be the judge, and I am just one of His creations. Why would a pot scream to another pot because of envy or jealousy, it's not up to us, it's up to the Potter.

I have a dream, or more like I have a wistful thinking, that someday all the rich people will be willing to share perhaps 10% of their true wealth to others, perhaps this world will be a much better place to live with. Perhaps there will be less tears and sorrows, just like the utopian world imagined in one of the classic Michael Jackson's song: "Heal the World."

But wait, I am quite afraid that will never happen in this present world... It almost sound as if a dream or longing for the world to come.