Thursday, February 18, 2010

UCI's Muslim students protests

I read news about commotions caused by a number of UCI students during the speech of Israel Ambassador to the US and how the police arrested and cited 11 protesters. I can easily noticed that many American Muslims are supporting the acts of those people. In fact, the video feed shows many female students were actually involved and seems supportive of the actions of their male compatriots. The commotion itself is probably not very surprising (knowing the state of Israel-Arab relationship), what's more surprising to me is the response from the readers.

Most Muslim readers (which I assume also live in Orange County or at least in the States) appear to be supportive of the actions of those Muslim students. Not very surprising. What made me more appalled was the fact that they blamed others for it. True, Israel was not exactly the nicest neighbor to have in the Middle East but honestly Israel is probably just doing their best to survive among continuous attacks from its "not so friendly" neighbors too. It is our human nature to deflect any charges against us and start blaming those who bring the charge or others for it.

However, the most alarming part for me is the fact that many young Muslims in America are very "confused" or petty much "brainwashed" by their blind fanatic religious belief, while proudly claiming themselves to be "American" and exercising their "freedom of speech." It is kind of funny that these "smart" morons seems to forget that they did not have that kind of privilege in their home countries. Look at how Iranian regime crackdowns on their own citizens' protests, even though they are all Shiite Muslims. It's pretty harsh, isn't it? Executions and tortures in jail, public killing and attacks by militia. Think of what would happen if Assyrian or Jewish people are the ones protesting, wouldn't they receive even harsher punishments?

Honestly, freedom of speech is the product of Western civilization which is strongly influenced by its Judeo-Christian tradition, and it will not work well in countries who does not respect pluralism in its society. Sadly, these guys are trying to use the freedom of speech excuse to insult and attack people that they simply dislike for no reason. If these guys were Christians in a Muslim country, they would have been badly beaten at least. Some of them will probably lose their lives too.

Wake up guys, do you realize that you are trying to exercise your "freedom of speech" to promote and propagate the creation of a religion dominated environment with limited or no freedom at all? Unbelievable!

Here is my response to the news (Hopefully it does not get deleted too quickly):
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I grew up as a minority - Christian - in a Muslim majority country, and sadly it was not pleasant (to say it very mildly) being a minority there. Freedom of religion was restricted and any dissension was being persecuted harshly. I liked America for being able to become a melting pot made of people (or descendants of people) from all over the world regardless of their race, nationality and/or religion.

I noticed that more and more young American Muslims who are clearly trying to separate themselves from the rest. Look at the story of Pakistani Americans who were training and fighting to perform jihad in Pakistan and Afghanistan. It saddens me. I believe the legacy of this country as a great melting pot will soon end if more and more young (and often more educated) Muslims are acting and thinking like most of you guys here. I believe you should not live in the US if you don't like the US policies and/or diversity. What's wrong with freedom of speech? If you guys disagree with him, talk to him verbally, bring up your argumentation and don't just act like fools.

It is sad and alarming to see how Islamic extremism grew and nurtured in our colleges (maybe there are professors or faculties who actually taught, nurtured or supported them). The future of America the way we look in the past seems kind of dimmed. America is great when all people from all corners of the world work together for the same goal, yet it will crumble when we are not united. Sadly, America is getting more and more polarized with the advent and rise of younger generation American Muslims like these guys (and many of the commentators). Honestly, I think the government should start monitoring OC’s worship places like the Malaysian ISA did. With the rise of these radical young Muslims, the problem is no longer about privacy, I am afraid it’s much greater than that.

If you call yourself American (Whether Iranian, Yemeni, Pakistani or whatever country you're from), stir away from the radical teaching you have been getting (whether from your parents, teachers or other people). I wish you would try to see America from outside your closed-mind. If you already decided that Israel is Evil and America is the Great Evil, I am sure we will not see the end of the war and sadness which took place in Middle East.

It is mind boggling for me, how you could consider yourself "..... (put your country’s name here) Americans" yet you still cannot get over your parents obsessions of unrealistic utopia hidden in the name of Islam. Yes, you guys could dream of the great Caliphate under Dar-ul Islam, but is it realistic? Did you not know how many people died in the war prior to the “time of peace” that you guys are aiming for? Countless Jews and Christians was beheaded and poisoned during the war, even the prisoners of war. Well, you did not care anyway, since the bloods of non-Muslim worth nothing for you guys. It was you who cry out the loudest when one of your kin was being hurt (even if it’s mildly), yet you tend to close your eyes when non-Muslims are being hurt or killed by the actions of Muslims. Are we (non-Muslim) dogs or lower than dogs?

I totally agree with some non-Muslim posters above that if a non-Muslim would have interrupted a sermon or a message from a Muslim, he/she will be persecuted greatly (some may be beheaded but not always), and I can name quite a few people who had actually experienced it (even though the country was somewhat more democratic and western/liberal leaning). It could even prompt backlash to religious places (churches) and/or businesses owned by minority.

And I like one comment which appears to be unrelated yet it rings so true, "Did you like Lebanon after the war?" So, to all of you, American Muslims, don't simply blame your problems to Israel or America, look into the mirror first before you start nitpicking others' blemishes. It seems that your religion had taken over the better part of your brain. And if you don't like it here, feel free to leave. Maybe your minds will be opened once you lived the harsh reality of your homeland.

God bless y’all!

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Sunday, February 14, 2010

Deconstructing the Capitalism of the Western World (2)

While investment banks and hedge fund firms are undeniably important parts of the capitalistic economy, their existence in the history had shown the main weaknesses of the great capitalism tenet: the often underestimated human factors and perhaps the hard to predict but important external factors such as luck and timing. The fall of Long Term Capital Management, in which Myron Scholes (one of the Nobel laureates behind the famous Black and Scholes theorem) was one of the board members, due to 1997-1998 Asian and Russian economic crisis showed the risk involved in investment banking and hedge funds bets regardless of the firms' credentials and the amount of money commanded.

Critics of hedge funds and investment firms often accused large investment firms and hedge funds firms of bullying and simply gambling using their vast amount of money. Recent comment by Greece's finance minister, George Papaconstantinou, even claimed that "any country is prey and will be prey to speculative forces." (Aoife White, "Greek Finance Minister Begs For Bailout Details, Says Markets Are 'Attacking' Greece", Huffington Posts, 02/15/10). Indeed, the history has proved again and again that combined forces of speculating bankers, investment firms and hedge funds can truly bring down the well-being of any country especially the weaker ones (like Indonesia and Thailand during 1998 Asian crisis)

The most damaging and dangerous part of investment banks' role in the capitalistic economy is the fact that these firms are not regulated and running their operations beyond any country's borders. In reality, there is no way these firms can be regulated since they are private firms which can work beyond any individual country's jurisdictions. Even when any country try to regulate them, these firms can simply moved their operation to any other country or even to small and less regulated offshore financial centers, such as Cayman Islands and British Virgin Island.

Take a look at Cayman Islands for example. The OECD (Office of Economic Cooperation and Development) once tried to reign on this unregulated tax haven and money laundering center in the 1990s but to no avail. (Natasha L. Rogoff, "Haven of Havoc?" PBS) In 2003, European Union and UK also tried to impose their influence upon Cayman Islands only to secure vague and non-committal self-imposed" rule from the regime.

So, what can be done?

Deconstructing the Capitalism of the Western World (1)

I recently stumbled into an article about how bankers and financiers often reap more money compared to other occupations even though they are not necessarily smarter than their compatriots from other fields (Stephen J.Rose, "Why Financiers Make So Much Money," Forbes, 02/09/2010). I had to admit that I am in agreement with Rose's main reasoning, simply because these guys actually control the economy.
Indeed, even though financiers may appear to be simply gambling on others' wealth, their power and influence cannot be underestimated.

Sadly, financiers actually receive their power from us, regular people who give them power to work on our money and make them multiply faster and grow bigger. In other word, financiers are inseparable from the world's economy because of people's desire to make more and more money. Financiers can get the access to all the money they have because we simply had trusted them to handle and manage our money. It all started when we left the old fashioned way of keeping our money under the pillow because we realize that they do not grow while we keep them, and that's why we could not refuse when the financiers offer us meager interests for storing our wealth in their care. But it did not stop there, some people who possessed large amount of wealth are still discontent by the fact that their money is only generating a low interest rate, and why we became eager to invest in more complex financial products when financiers offer us multiple options to grow our money faster, whether they be through simple lending, stock market to the complex CDO.

Amid the recent US housing bubble crises which also dragged the world economy lower, financial powerhouses like Goldman Sachs, Merrill Lynch and JP Morgan are actually playing a large role in the fall, even though they vehemently denied it. At the height of the housing bubble, Merrill Lynch was being investigated for pushing homeowners to draw money from their Home Equity loan to bet on the stock market (Ann Davis, "Betting the House on the Stock Market," WSJ, 12/9/2004). After the housing market crash, Goldman Sachs was also found to be selling the housing market CDOs while secretly betting against it. (Greg Gordon, "How Goldman secretly bet on US housing crash," McClatchy Newspapers, 11/1/2009) Wall Street executives and traders claimed that they were simply following a good financial practice by hedging their trading positions by betting against it, but many doubts that their move was a mere luck. JP Morgan Chase was also accused of playing a large role in the fall of Lehman Brothers by withholding $19 billion transfer to Lehman which some argued would have averted the demise of Lehman Bros which started the domino effect in the collapse of the world stock markets. (F. William Engdahl, "Paulson Panics as UK, Germany Find Own Solution," Financial Sense, 10/20/2008)

The revelation of these conspiracy added to the public anger toward big banks and financial institutions, it caused waves of uproar in the US which prompted some politicians to propose resolutions aimed to investigate the financial powerhouses' role and how to limit their unbridled power and influence. However, the efforts were soon died down as US government, lawmakers and common citizens were overwhelmed by many other more pressing issues such as the ongoing recession, persistently high unemployment rate, continuing foreclosures, endless health care reform debates, partisanship political rivalries, increase of world terrorism activities and Haiti's disaster. To be honest, looking at the way our politicians handle the matters, skeptics are more convinced that the financiers may have already penetrated and controlled both the House and the Senate and perhaps the President too. After all, money and influence are what the Wall Street is best known for.

However, the extent of the true role of private financial giants in this recession did not stop there. From investigation surrounding the recent Greece debt problems which shook the Euro Zone quite hard, Goldman Sachs was also said to be involved in a scenario to cover-up the severity of Greece's debt problem by offering to provide derivative deals to take off the debts from the book by offering cross currency swap with fictional exchange rate (Beat Balzli, "How Goldman Sachs Helped Greece to Mask its True Debt," Spiegel, 02/08/2010). Gary Cohn, Goldman president was reportedly traveling to Greece in early November to offer complex financial derivative products to defer Greece debts, less than three month before the news of Greece debt problems exploded. (Louise Story, et al., "Wall St. Helped Greece to Mask Debt Fueling Europe’s Crisis," New York Times, 02/14/2010).

So what's else? Is there something else that we still did not know of?

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Calculated Sanity

We human are interesting beings. We are easy to forget the goodness of others, while remembering every small mistakes others are making. We easily demand forgiveness, yet we insist in refusing to admit our mistakes. We easily blame others for any problem and deflect any blame cast upon us. If we stumble because of the stone, we blame the stone for being in our way instead of our own inability to avoid hitting the stone. Even after we fall, rise up, stumble, crawl up, we remain the same being that we are: people with short term memory who refuse to learn from our past mistakes. We demand perfection from others yet we often set the bar lower for ourselves. If anyone asks the reason, we simply blame it to our sinful nature, our pride, or one of our other stupid and often arrogant characteristics.

As I typed this, I wonder how much I had regretted my past when I was doing much better financially. I remembered how I often looked back into my childhood and asked why I did not have this or that. I was not very grateful toward my parents. True, I was raised in a large family where everybody did not have much, yet we at least eat three times a day. We hardly ate any lavish meals, everybody just ate a little yet it was enough to fill our stomachs.

As I grew older and learned to become independent myself, I realized that it was not an easy feat to do the same thing that my parents had done. Sometimes I could not even make enough money to bring food to the table and other times I wonder if I could even keep the table and the roof where I currently lived in. Despite all of these, I still refused to ask help from others. Why? Maybe because of my pride... Maybe because I am afraid of rejection... I don't know.

I heard the word "calculated sanity" during pastor Bill's prayer last Sunday, and that words echoed deeply in my heart in the past week. I did not know if pastor Bill was referring to me directly or to anybody else in the church but I am sure many people, many believers are living in the same way of style I am currently living, a calculated sanity.

God, help me.... Forgive me for being too stubborn and stiff-necked that I often refused to ask for helps from others. Bless me God, purify my heart so that it may be like Yours. Teach me to live my life the way You wanted me to be. Help me to obey and follow You faithfully and not begrudgingly. Take away my pride, calculated sanity and my unfaithfulness. Help me day by day Lord... Hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second.

Monday, December 28, 2009

TRAVEL BY AIR: ARRIVE EARLY!

As we all may know, the security at the airport is being tightened again due to the failed terrorist attack aboard Northwest Airlines flight 253 by a Nigerian national, Umar Farouk Abdulmuntallab.

Because the attempted terrorism act involves liquid explosives hidden in the area around male private area, the new security measures by TSA is expected to address that. There were rumors spreading around about the excessive pat down procedures, limitation of the number of carry-on allowed, to the limitation of usage of electronic devices in a portion of the flight segment (which means no laptop, portable DVD players, MP3 and other similar devices are allowed to be used).

After all the confusions and rumors, I finally managed to find an internet posting which claimed to have acquired the leaked US Dept of Homeland Security's notices to TSA, effective from Dec 25, 2009 to Dec 30, 2009.

Here is the copy of the leaked notice:

U.S. DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY
Transportation Security Administration
Aviation Security Directive
Subject: Security Directive
Number: SD 1544-09-06
Date: December 25, 2009
EXPIRATION: 0200Z on December 30, 2009
This Security Directive (SD) must be implemented immediately. The measures contained in this SD are in addition to all other SDs currently in effect for your operations.
INFORMATION: On December 25, 2009, a terrorist attack was attempted against a flight traveling to the United States. TSA has identified security measures to be implemented by airports, aircraft operators, and foreign air carriers to mitigate potential threats to flights.
APPLICABILITY: THIS SD APPLIES TO AIRCRAFT OPERATORS THAT CARRY OUT A SECURITY PROGRAM REGULATED UNDER 49 CODE OF FEDERAL REGULATIONS (CFR)1544.101(a).
ACTIONS REQUIRED: If you conduct scheduled and/or public charter flight operations under a Full Program under 49 CFR 1544.101(a) departing from any foreign location to the United States (including its territories and possessions), you must immediately implement all measures in this SD for each such flight.

1. BOARDING GATE

1. The aircraft operator or authorized air carrier representative must ensure all passengers are screened at the boarding gate during the boarding process using the following procedures. These procedures are in addition to the screening of all passengers at the screening checkpoint.
1. Perform thorough pat-down of all passengers at boarding gate prior to boarding, concentrating on upper legs and torso.
2. Physically inspect 100 percent of all passenger accessible property at the boarding gate prior to boarding, with focus on syringes being transported along with powders and/or liquids.
3. Ensure the liquids, aerosols, and gels restrictions are strictly adhered to in accordance with SD 1544-06-02E.
2. During the boarding process, the air carrier may exempt passengers who are Heads of State or Heads of Government from the measures outlined in Section I.A. of this SD, including the following who are traveling with the Head of State or Head of Government:

1. Spouse and children, or
2. One other individual (chosen by the Head of State or Head of Government)
3. For the purposes of Section I.B., the following definitions apply:
1. Head of State: An individual serving as the chief public representative of a monarchic or republican nation-state, federation, commonwealth, or any other political state (for example, King, Queen, and President).
2. Head of Government: The chief officer of the executive branch of a government presiding over a cabinet (for example, Prime Minister, Premier, President, and Monarch).

2. IN FLIGHT

1. During flight, the aircraft operator must ensure that the following procedures are followed:
1. Passengers must remain in seats beginning 1 hour prior to arrival at destination.
2. Passenger access to carry-on baggage is prohibited beginning 1 hour prior to arrival at destination.
3. Disable aircraft-integrated passenger communications systems and services (phone, internet access services, live television programming, global positioning systems) prior to boarding and during all phases of flight.
4. While over U.S. airspace, flight crew may not make any announcement to passengers concerning flight path or position over cities or landmarks.
5. Passengers may not have any blankets, pillows, or personal belongings on the lap beginning 1 hour prior to arrival at destination.

AIRCRAFT OPERATOR ACKNOWLEDGMENT: The aircraft operator must immediately provide written confirmation to its assigned PSI indicating receipt of this SD.
AIRCRAFT OPERATOR dissemination required: The aircraft operator must immediately pass the information and directives set forth in this SD to all stations affected, and provide written confirmation to its PSI, indicating that all stations affected have acknowledged receipt of the information and directives set forth in this SD. The aircraft operator must disseminate this information to its senior management personnel, ground security coordinators, and supervisory security personnel at all affected locations. All aircraft operator personnel implementing this SD must be briefed by the aircraft operator on its content and the restrictions governing dissemination. No other dissemination may be made without prior approval of the Assistant Secretary for the Transportation Security Administration. Unauthorized dissemination of this document or information contained herein is prohibited by 49 CFR Part 1520 (see 69 Fed. Reg. 28066 (May 18, 2004).
APPROVAL OF ALTERNATIVE MEASURES: With respect to the provisions of this SD, as stated in 49 CFR 1544.305(d), the aircraft operator may submit in writing to its PSI proposed alternative measures and the basis for submitting the alternative measures for approval by the Assistant Administrator for Transportation Sector Network Management. The aircraft operator must immediately notify its PSI whenever any procedure in this SD cannot be carried out by a government authority charged with performing security procedures.
FOR TSA ACTION ONLY: The TSA must issue this SD immediately to the corporate security element of all affected U.S. aircraft operators.
FOR STATE DEPARTMENT: Retransmittal to appropriate foreign posts is authorized. Post must refer to STATE 162917, 201826Z Sep 01, Subject: FAA Security Directives and Information Circulars: Definitions and Handling, for specific guidance and dissemination.

Gale Rossides
Acting Administrator

(From http://gizmodo.com/5435188/leaked-homeland-securitys-post-underwear-bomb-airplane-rules, retrieved on December 28, 2009 at 3:45 PM)

Now, what should you do if you plan to travel in the coming week:
1. Arrive early, the TSA suggested at least one and half hour earlier (than what it was) for international flight heading to the US, and an unspecified time for domestic flights (I assume about 30 minutes earlier than what it was).
2. Be prepared to go through longer lines and more intensive screening. Follow the direction of the TSA agent and do not complain or whine too much since you may have to endure a longer screening that way. (I've been there and done that... so I learned my mistake)
3. Be sure not to carry too many bottle of liquids in your carry-on since you may have to endure a longer screening time. It's probably best to keep all your liquid essentials (from shampoo, body wash, lotions etc.) stowed away in your checked baggage if you have one (and specially if you don't have to pay for one).

And lastly, be safe and pray that you don't meet an overzealous TSA agent who performed excessive patting a little too close to your sensitive area.

We will never forget (And I personally am included)

When I read the news about the failed "crotchbomb" by a Nigerian national, Umar Farouk Abdulmuntallab, I was just getting ready to sleep after searching for the latest update of the anime movie that I followed online.

I immediately thanked God that he failed to detonate the bomb in that Northwest Airlines flight 253. I personally commend the spontaneous response and the brave acts of passengers in that flight which managed to subdue the perpetrator quickly and therefore prevented another humanitarian tragedy.

This latest attempt of terrorist act is another reminder that terrorism threat in the air is real and active despite all the money, time and efforts spent by the US government, the TSA, and authorities in other airports all around the world to prevent it from happening again. The fact that a sizable liquid explosive pouch was managed to be smuggled inside a plane is more than enough proof to say that all those efforts by the authorities around the world were not sufficient to guarantee the safety of the air travelers.

I personally don't mind the extra security, however many other business travelers (especially those who always seem to be in a hurry and those who have whiny and spoiled kids with them) may not like being searched and patted down more intensively (and sometimes intrusively, especially when we cannot tell them: "Hey, watch where you're touching!"). Now, (again, always right after something happened) we can surely expect a stricter check point, a longer line and more whines as people slowly (and begrudgingly) moving along the long lines in the airport gates. And don't forget, more hassles or intrusive checks.

One time, I have the "privilege" of being pulled from the lines by an TSA agent in an airport to undergo some security measure, not long after 9/11 took place. At that time, I was 30 minutes away from my flight departure time and I just barely managed to be in front of the line before the security check point when I saw the lady (TSA agent) scribbled something on my boarding ticket. And I suddenly realized, "This is definitely not a good sign and I could miss my flight"

I was right, when I showed my ticket and ID to the male agent at the security gate, he told me that I needed to step aside and follow him to go through additional checks. I politely asked the agent of how long the check will take since I would have barely made my flight even without the check, and he stiffly replied, "Sir, we will let you go once we finished the mandated security check on you and your belongings." And I suddenly realized that I may have talked too much. Man, it will cost me greatly, I assume.

The agent asked me to stretch my arms and keep my legs away from each other about one and a half foot apart. He then began patting down my arms and legs and ran his metal detector along my body. As expected, it beeped when it passed just below my belly (Of course, it's not because I carried a crotch bomb, it's just because of my belt comes with metal buckle). The agent told me to take off my belt, and I seriously wanted to joke with him but I realized that he was not in the mood for joking so I clamped my mouth shut. After I took off my belt then there was no more beep, then he asked me to sit and wait for my belonging to be inspected. At that time, I noticed that the agent wiped clean cloths along the edges of my roller bag (which I later found out to be a part of a security test conducted by a "puffer" to detect the trace of explosives).

He even opened my laptop bag, ran another cloth wipes (I truly wished the would wiped out the whole laptop instead of just the edges since my laptop can surely benefit from a full wiping). He then turned on my laptop (I guess to make sure it's not an IED). Well, the process took almost 30 minutes and he finally released me.

As I expected, that TSA search cost me my flight, because I missed my flight because of the extra pat downs (Hopefully, it's without any accident such as "Ouch, not the groin!") Ok, that's a little out of bound, I was just kidding... Once again, I do not mind the extra security measures but I honestly felt somewhat vindicated after the checks, I even joked to myself: "The agent must have thought that I looked like Osama bin Laden, even though I believe I looked more like Hu Jintao than Osama." Well, it may be just my tough luck!

I honestly missed the times when the security of the airport were very lax (just before 9/11 tragedy) but then again, I don't really mind an extra security measure for the safety of all travelers as long as it's done professionally and in a timely manner. And also, if I am allowed to ask, I would personally request to not pat down the area between the leg too much.... j/k

Good luck to you all who travels, have a safe trip and remember to come early. And also the best of luck for all TSA agents whose job is to pat down the selected travelers.

Be safe everyone!!! In a worst case scenario, we just have to learn to jump on those stupid terrorists. I am sure I am heavy enough for it.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Trickery or Reality

I was on my way to the parking lot at LAXs P4 parking, and suddenly an old lady waved her hand and called me, "Excuse me!" I turned toward her direction and I asked her, "Do you call me, ma'am?" And with a gentle face she replied, "Yes, could you come over?" As I approached her, suddenly an airport police officer passed by. Seeing the old lady waving her hand at me, he them asked her, "Is there anything I can help you with, ma'am?" And surprisingly, I saw that her expression changes, she looked at the officer with a stern face and said, "No!" as if she was just telling him to go away. The officer left in a breeze.

She began to tell me a story while showing her CA senior citizen identification. According to the ID that she showed me, ber name was Brenda S (I abbreviated her last name just in case if she was actually using someone else's ID). In short, basically she claimed that she needed some money and kind of short $16 for towing cost of her broken down car. Personally I thought she could ask the officer and he could probably help her better, but I don't know. She probably just tried to scam me (and I was fully aware of that), but I believe it's a good time to exercise my faith. I believe God had given me so much even while He knows that I will not always be faithful to Him, yet He still loves me and gave His One and Only Son to die for me.

I also remember that many people had helped me in the past without demanding anything in return, and I felt compelled to do something even though I may be scammed (I didn't mind and I didn't care). I was also reminded about my past experience how I often refused to help those who plead for help simply because I distrust them. Every single time I did that, I always regretted that I did not give them any money at all, what if they really needed help?

I was completely aware of the situation, and I know about the risks. I have heard stories about people who did some scams using tricks like this or similar, but I did not care. It was not easy, I had to admit. As a very rational guy, I have doubts that that lady probably did not really need any help at all after witnessing how she turned away the offer from the officer, I immediately thought she probably just needed some money. I forced my mind to cast away all negative assumptions and prejudices that I had, and I voluntarily allowed myself to be tricked. I said to myself, "It's OK if I am being tricked, it's still better than if what she said was true and I did not help while I actually could help (at least a little)."

I reached into my wallet and began to count how much money I had in my wallet. Luckily I had some money that night (more than enough to pay for the parking for sure). I politely told her that I don't have much money but I am willing to help her (even though I know she may just be tricking me). I spared some money to pay for the parking and I gave her the rest. She thanked me and left.

Personally, I am sad. Firstly, I am sad that I can't even give her $16 that she asked, even though I had more than that but I kept some to pay for the expensive airport parking and for my own personal emergency. (Just recently, I went through a blown out tire in the middle of a busy I-60, it was not pleasant, and if it was not because one nice customer's help, I probably would have to pay a lot of money for the tow trucks). Secondly, I am sad because I see these poor people more and more every single day. Whether they be on busy intersections, freeway exit ramps, even in front of the supermarkets or stores. I have never seen them there when the economy was doing well. I guess these are just signs of the times: More and more poor and needy people.

Seeing all these, I could not help but trying to cast the blame to anyone else, but I realized have no one to blame but myself. If I, who claimed to have known God and possessed conscience about this matter, could not be moved with compassion for them, how would those who did not even know God or those who have muted their inner conscience. No wonder the world is in a big mess right now. With more than 6 billion people who are more or less as messy and complicated as I am, the world is surely a dangerous place to live.

However, I was (somewhat) surprised when I noticed that she did not even complain, although her thank you tones indicated that she was not overly excited (I don't know maybe she already got money from others, or maybe I was just one of her victims that night). But I am perfectly fine with that, I remember that I once give a small amount of money to a beggar and he just looked at me as if he was saying, "Huh, that's it?" I wish that she really needs the money, and that she can use it wisely. Nevertheless, I sure wish her the best since she is an old lady so she probably needed the money more than me.

Regardless if it was trickery or not, I am personally glad that I went through the incident for two things. First, that I was privileged to help her (regardless if the case was true or not). Secondly, I am actually very glad that I was privileged to exercise my faith, hope and love by helping others without any prejudice or negative thinking. And that alone is worth more than all the money in the world.

God bless you, Brenda (or whoever you are), I hope you are doing OK where ever you are. I hope you did not trick me, but I don't really mind even if you did. I truly wish that the money I gave you can be helpful. It was a hard earned money, as I did not have much money myself. Anyway, thank you for giving me a chance to exercise my faith, to learn to give even while I am still lacking myself.