Trickery or Reality

I was on my way to the parking lot at LAXs P4 parking, and suddenly an old lady waved her hand and called me, "Excuse me!" I turned toward her direction and I asked her, "Do you call me, ma'am?" And with a gentle face she replied, "Yes, could you come over?" As I approached her, suddenly an airport police officer passed by. Seeing the old lady waving her hand at me, he them asked her, "Is there anything I can help you with, ma'am?" And surprisingly, I saw that her expression changes, she looked at the officer with a stern face and said, "No!" as if she was just telling him to go away. The officer left in a breeze.

She began to tell me a story while showing her CA senior citizen identification. According to the ID that she showed me, ber name was Brenda S (I abbreviated her last name just in case if she was actually using someone else's ID). In short, basically she claimed that she needed some money and kind of short $16 for towing cost of her broken down car. Personally I thought she could ask the officer and he could probably help her better, but I don't know. She probably just tried to scam me (and I was fully aware of that), but I believe it's a good time to exercise my faith. I believe God had given me so much even while He knows that I will not always be faithful to Him, yet He still loves me and gave His One and Only Son to die for me.

I also remember that many people had helped me in the past without demanding anything in return, and I felt compelled to do something even though I may be scammed (I didn't mind and I didn't care). I was also reminded about my past experience how I often refused to help those who plead for help simply because I distrust them. Every single time I did that, I always regretted that I did not give them any money at all, what if they really needed help?

I was completely aware of the situation, and I know about the risks. I have heard stories about people who did some scams using tricks like this or similar, but I did not care. It was not easy, I had to admit. As a very rational guy, I have doubts that that lady probably did not really need any help at all after witnessing how she turned away the offer from the officer, I immediately thought she probably just needed some money. I forced my mind to cast away all negative assumptions and prejudices that I had, and I voluntarily allowed myself to be tricked. I said to myself, "It's OK if I am being tricked, it's still better than if what she said was true and I did not help while I actually could help (at least a little)."

I reached into my wallet and began to count how much money I had in my wallet. Luckily I had some money that night (more than enough to pay for the parking for sure). I politely told her that I don't have much money but I am willing to help her (even though I know she may just be tricking me). I spared some money to pay for the parking and I gave her the rest. She thanked me and left.

Personally, I am sad. Firstly, I am sad that I can't even give her $16 that she asked, even though I had more than that but I kept some to pay for the expensive airport parking and for my own personal emergency. (Just recently, I went through a blown out tire in the middle of a busy I-60, it was not pleasant, and if it was not because one nice customer's help, I probably would have to pay a lot of money for the tow trucks). Secondly, I am sad because I see these poor people more and more every single day. Whether they be on busy intersections, freeway exit ramps, even in front of the supermarkets or stores. I have never seen them there when the economy was doing well. I guess these are just signs of the times: More and more poor and needy people.

Seeing all these, I could not help but trying to cast the blame to anyone else, but I realized have no one to blame but myself. If I, who claimed to have known God and possessed conscience about this matter, could not be moved with compassion for them, how would those who did not even know God or those who have muted their inner conscience. No wonder the world is in a big mess right now. With more than 6 billion people who are more or less as messy and complicated as I am, the world is surely a dangerous place to live.

However, I was (somewhat) surprised when I noticed that she did not even complain, although her thank you tones indicated that she was not overly excited (I don't know maybe she already got money from others, or maybe I was just one of her victims that night). But I am perfectly fine with that, I remember that I once give a small amount of money to a beggar and he just looked at me as if he was saying, "Huh, that's it?" I wish that she really needs the money, and that she can use it wisely. Nevertheless, I sure wish her the best since she is an old lady so she probably needed the money more than me.

Regardless if it was trickery or not, I am personally glad that I went through the incident for two things. First, that I was privileged to help her (regardless if the case was true or not). Secondly, I am actually very glad that I was privileged to exercise my faith, hope and love by helping others without any prejudice or negative thinking. And that alone is worth more than all the money in the world.

God bless you, Brenda (or whoever you are), I hope you are doing OK where ever you are. I hope you did not trick me, but I don't really mind even if you did. I truly wish that the money I gave you can be helpful. It was a hard earned money, as I did not have much money myself. Anyway, thank you for giving me a chance to exercise my faith, to learn to give even while I am still lacking myself.

Justice and Equality

About justice and equality, I liked how Bono phrased it, "Only love can do it."
I admit that I was not a Bono fan (Note: I still am not truly a "fan" but I admired some of his perspectives) before I moved to So-Cal. In fact, I used to despise Bono just like many other Christian conservatives because Bono was a rock star and due to his so-called "socialist" approach. But now, I started to open my eyes to the ugly reality of this world... Inequality and injustice. I am not supporting or trying to vindicate either Democratic or Republican party, but I began to see the pluses and minuses of both parties in a more balanced way.

Republicans often only care about moral values while they grossly neglected the poor and the needy. They're not much different from the Pharisees of Jesus' days. On the other hand, the Democrats are so concerned about these issues of poverty, rights to assemble (unions), immigration, and other commonly called "liberal" agenda while trashing everything else regardless of their absolutism.

Honestly, I now think that if Jesus were once again to be "reincarnated" (meaning "physically taking human flesh and body again) in this world today, perhaps most Conservatives will call him "Socialist" while He was merely being compassionate to the poor and the needy. But wait, He also will gladly rebuke those "liberals" because of they compromise on His words too much.

Fever or Reality?

Well, I recently read the latest edition "Charisma" magazine, a Christian Magazine (FYI, I got the subscription for free), and it does not surprise me that the headline was the "end of the world fever." Historically, the church often went to "end-of-the-world" modes during difficult times, whether it be harsh persecutions, poverty, or deep recessions like today. It is quite understandable because we human tend to seek for safety and security that we cannot find in our present condition. That's why we tend to be attracted and caved in to any promises to release us from our present condition, whether it be the all too common "get rich quick" schemes or the church promise of the glorious day when Christ is coming for the second time to bring us to the place where there is no more tears and sorrows.

So, should we just cast away everything we have and gathered in an exclusive group of the fervent believers like those of the doomsday cults? Maybe not but it is indeed an interesting phenomenon, the same exact one that I witnessed during 1998 financial crisis in Asia. Two things that I am truly worry about. First, how long will it last? We know that once the economy was turned around for the better, churches in Asia began to shelf the idea of second coming of Christ and indulged in their old sins. Secondly, I honestly am afraid that these overzealous drive can lead to even worse or disastrous ends for some of those people, especially those who are willingly giving away their everything while expecting for a quick exit. Many will probably commit suicide or leave the Lord when they finally see that they do not get what they want soon enough.

God's providence? Or wrath?

A pastor recently told me that he believed that God has "sheltered" His children who are faithful to him and kept them safe from the recent financial mess. Well, his assessment may indeed be true, at least for his congregation, but I immediately was reminded about news of declining tithes and contributions from churches elsewhere. Politely and respectfully, I replied to him that I was glad that his church was doing OK, however I cautioned the pastor that the situation is not as rosy everywhere else.

I did not judge this pastor of implying anything, but I just worry that some Christians may indeed take His words for its face value. There is a widespread belief that God will bless those who are faithful literally and at any given time. I just simply can't agree to it for some sound theological reasons. I believe that we cannot simply judge one's spiritual condition based on one's financial condition. I am sure I don't have to remind anyone of the story of Job, the godly man of God who lost almost everything, except his wife who asked him to curse God and die.
(Surprisingly and for some unknown reasons to me, except for God's mercy, that the woman survived and God did not seem to punish her for her harsh comment -because the Bible did not mention whether she ever died or whether Job remarried or not- We only know that Job later begot more children).

Honestly, as the economy worsened for me personally, I also often asked myself, is this terrible economy really God's wrath for my unfaithfulness or for my past sins? I often concurred that while it may be partly true, I also think that it may not be very wise to simply judge one's spiritual condition simply by looking at their financial condition. I am also more tempted to give to the church while hoping that God will repay more back many times as He promised. He did, to a certain extent, but I still am hesitant to give more since there's hardly more than $60 in my pocket at any given time these days. Ah, maybe I am a man of little faith...

But I noticed and heard stories about some people who continued to give and tithe and God blessed them and lifted them out of the deep financial holes. I truly am happy for them that (hopefully) the story will lead people to glorify God more instead of mock or curse Him. However, as a person who has responsibility to pay lots of bills (plus a demanding wife), I have to at least keep a $20 bill in my pocket to buy our lunch or dinner for the day. I don't know, maybe that's why God's withheld His blessings from me. But honestly, I am just trying to make sure I have foods for the day.

Call me a man of little faith, a lost and prodigal son, I don't really know and maybe I don't really care anymore. I have to admit that I am quite lost myself in this case, as I can't hear His still small voices anymore. Maybe He turned His face away from me because of my sins... or was it a trial? I am not sure frankly, I am probably just like a blind man looking for a safe exit route while trapped in a treacherous land with enemies and deceivers lurking around, while searching for the presence of the only One who can save me.

Honestly, I sometimes think maybe I really am lost, and other times I don't think so... Perhaps, I am really just fighting for foods with the swines while forgetting the fact that I have the ever-forgiving Father who always welcomes me with open arms, but I am afraid I just can't help it... I never ever felt so worry in my life before... Never. I may not have money at all when I was in high school or college, but I survived maybe because at that time, I only have myself to worry of. I can skip lunch and/or dinner, I can save money by relying on the mercy of others. I don't have to buy new clothes or cosmetics... I hardly had any of those at all in my high school and college years. I remember some people who teased me for "rotating" my shirts too often... but I did not care.

But now, it's a different story. My wife does care for those small little stuffs. She threw away some of my oldest shirts (the ones I had from high school or college years). She wants me to buy good perfumes and nice smelling fragrances, which I enjoyed but didn't think that I really need them. She also wants to buy certain cosmetics and hygiene needs... Now, I am hosed. Should I be acting as a wicked hubby? Jesus said even wicked parents will not give stone in lieu of bread, or snake in lieu of fish.

Now I can understand more why some people did the most unbelievable things in this world... Maybe, just maybe it was simply because they have no better options. Sadly, those who are more privileged or more well-versed in God's words often blocked the way, just like the Pharisees and religious leaders were taking advantage of the poor widows in Jesus' days in the world. I will no longer guess for the true reasons behind one's actions... I am not God, and I can't read anyone's mind (I am not even sure if I understand my own mind completely). Let God be the judge, and I am just one of His creations. Why would a pot scream to another pot because of envy or jealousy, it's not up to us, it's up to the Potter.

I have a dream, or more like I have a wistful thinking, that someday all the rich people will be willing to share perhaps 10% of their true wealth to others, perhaps this world will be a much better place to live with. Perhaps there will be less tears and sorrows, just like the utopian world imagined in one of the classic Michael Jackson's song: "Heal the World."

But wait, I am quite afraid that will never happen in this present world... It almost sound as if a dream or longing for the world to come.

Health care? Do we really care?

I met a certain pastor, a very kind godly man, who expressed his disagreement of the current administration because of their "socialist" agenda. He dislike the White House idea of health care reform because it will lead to socialism and more government control. I did not totally disagree with his comment, however I simply replied that a little more oversight is better that lack of oversight. The pastor then said he is open to a little more oversight but he was worried that the big government will eventually take over everything.

Yes, Americans are proud of their freedom, and that's actually one of the reasons I was attracted to America. However, as I live here for more than 10 years I began to realize that we often fought for "freedom" too much while sacrificing other values. No, I am not talking about terrorism and their surveillance. I am talking about the heated debate about the current health care reform. I did not agree a hundred percent with the plan, partly because of some critical flaws in the plan, but in general I can see the importance and the possible benefit from the plan (if it was run successfully). However, I still can't believe that lawmakers (whom many of them proudly called themselves as "conservatives" or "Christians") repeatedly invoked the concept of freedom as one of their reasoning. Yes, I like freedom, but I am afraid that what concerns those lawmakers more are not really freedom but money. I am afraid that all these propaganda was just a smokescreen to cover up the traces of the lobbying money from big insurance companies.

I personally think some Americans are truly overpaying for the health care insurance, while others are actually enjoying it for free. Sadly, America has an interesting approach toward illegal immigrants (something that I agree in principal but often disagree in application). Poor immigrants can have free health care if they go directly to the ER (that would explain why we see that many low-paying workers actually have more kids that those who have more money). Some of them even received food stamps to pay for their kids nutrition needs (I believe some of the recipient truly deserve the food stamps while others don't). I think the idea was noble but it was grossly abused by a certain group in the community that it became a burden for hospitals.

However, I disagree with the fact that every Americans must have health insurance from private for profit insurance companies or pay penalty. I think this would only work if the premium is very cheap. Some people simply do not have money to pay for the premium amount, how would they pay for the penalty. Sadly, I don't think the premium will be cheap (those private companies are for profit, remember?). Even non-profit title can be misleading these days. Many people simply open non-profit orgs for their own benefits while proudly claiming "helping others while helping ourselves." I did not disagree with the jargon, but I would like to ask how much they actually help others compared to helping themselves?

Sadly, many communities who called themselves as Christians, conservatives or religious were often the most staunch opponents of some of the government's sponsored social programs. Why? Some of them are claiming that they were simply against the idea of big government, some cried out "Socialism," while others invoked the conspiracy theory of government control as the early form of the end-times' "one world government" as prophesied in the book of Revelation. If they were so worried about the government, why would not they consider the "non-profit" or religious organizations to run it instead? Ah, separation of church and state? Now, that's another long topic to discuss.

But honestly, I want to ask: Can Christians really justify this? Do we not care about others' needs just because of our unfounded fear and worries? May I ask, who are truly our neighbors?

Deed and Greed

Many of us would have probably heard that the recent economic turmoil was partially caused by the overreaching greed of a group of people. Yes, some blamed the greedy bankers and financiers, others blame the Feds and the regulators, and many also blamed speculators both big and small. Well, we cannot pinpoint exactly who's responsible for this whole mess, but very likely many of us are responsible to this mess to a certain extent (some may be more responsible than the others).

Honestly, the recession not only bring difficulties and troubles to the poor and those who were trapped in the financial problems, but it also brings out "excellent" opportunity for those who have money and able to leverage themselves. The abundant foreclosing had prompted many people who used to "own" homes but now forced to rent. Rental rates is steady and actually going up in certain areas. And even amidst the high foreclosure rates, some realtors and few friends who are buying houses actually told me that they saw multiple bids over properties in desirable areas and for investment properties.

I don't blame the rich and their opportunistic approaches, but I think it was the consequences of the "capitalistic" countries. The rich will have bigger and better opportunity to become richer (in the best scenario). It's good for them. If those were godly Christians, I am "forcing" myself to be happy for them, just as Paul the apostle's message to the church in Rome (Rm 12:15). Why do I say "forcing myself"? Sadly, it was because of my sinful human nature, I know that deep inside we have the tendency to be jealous to others who are more successful than us, while overlooking those who are less fortunate than us.

My only wish was that those who have more will feel more compelled to do more with the more resources that they have. How many of us have hardened our heart when we saw the story of suffering and difficulties experienced by those among us? No, I am not talking about poor and malnourished children in Africa that we often saw in TV commercials sponsored by different charity groups. I am talking about those nearby, the panhandlers on the street corners? The homeless on the streets?

There are many reasons or logic that we can use to justify our actions. I remember an old colleague who used to tell me that those homeless or panhandlers are lazy bums who do not want to look for jobs. He told me that those healthy young men should just look for jobs like the Hispanics who often gathered in Home Depot's parking lots and looking for hourly jobs. Well, he may indeed be correct, but once again, how do we know for sure that the panhandler was indeed lazy? Some other colleague used to argue that those homeless are simply "spoiled," they just want to get easy money to buy booze. And once again, I think his observation was also true, I saw some panhandlers who just bought a can of beer at a gas station after he finished his "shift" at a certain street intersection. But I would like to remind myself once again, how do we know that he was not simply addicted to beer, or whether or not he had eaten at all?

Honestly, I am also guilty to this terrible over-thinking (generalizing) and stereotyping, and that I need to learn to not speak out my mind too quickly when I saw those people. When I have money, I will always try to give them (without any prejudice or stereotypical mind), but when I don't, I would simply ask forgiveness from God that I cannot give. To be fair, as poor as I am, I probably still have more money in my wallet than that person at the street intersection, however, I often felt so difficult to part from my limited amount of money. I probably could eat cheaper food, or perhaps skip a meal altogether (I know that I need to lose weight anyway), but I often simply can't do that. I guess I still love my money even though they're not much at all. Maybe that's the true definition of greed.

In that case, I often just did what some Christians often did, simply wish them mercy from God (sounds religious, ain't it?) and that they can have a great day so that they can at least have enough foods for the day and a good healthy rest. It's probably the safest solution for some of us who wants to be "safe" and not violating our personal conviction. Never did we know, that by doing so, we acted exactly just like the Priest and Levite in Jesus's story of the Good Samaritan.

In my head, I am quite aware that it was not really the best reaction for the problem, but even as I know it, I still found it very difficult to do. I found it easy to just read over James's epistle and simply skip or ignore his warning about our greed. James had sternly warned believers who see those who are less fortunate to do something and not just express our "wistful" thinking while we still have something at our tables. Once again, I admit that I am still guilty to this sin too. And there's still more to learn.

Money Talks

Believe it or not, even though most "scholars" may disagree with this statement. This statement is indeed true. Many people, even those who deny the prevalence of the notion of "money talks" in today's world, may actually live in the realm where money indeed does talk. Of course, we are here talking about money talking in figurative sense, not the literal sense.

Look at the industry that survives even amid recession, porn industry. A friend of mine a while back chatted with me and he expressed his disbelief (or perhaps more like his sense of confusion) about the fact that many pretty girls had fallen into the trap of the "adult" industry. And my response was simple, one of the most obvious reason is that money talks. Believe it or not, people who had lived their lives in affluence since their birth probably will never understand the hardship involves in being "poor." And this friend of mine was likewise. He came to the US as a graduate student in computer science and he ended up getting a job at a top search engine company in Silicon Valley. Of course he always claims that he has no money... (Who doesn't?). But in reality, he is probably a lot more affluent than he was willing to admit.

Enough about him. Now back to his question and my response. He probably found it unbelievable that some pretty girls will be willing to undress and do the embarrassing acts in front of camera for "entertainment" of poor, lonely and perverted souls around the world, but in reality many did. Why, because (partly) it's easy money.

Well, let me clarify.. I am sure easy money is not the one and only reason for people who jumped into the "adult" industry. Some probably went that direction due to coercion, past "mental" or "spiritual" baggage, some for fame (or thinking that they can be famous) and many other reasons. But, whatever the reason, no one has ever truly dispute the facts that money is one of the main drive, and how it can attract people to do the most unbelievable thing.

If people in third world countries would be willing to kill someone else for the equivalent of a dime in the US dollar (which continues to slide). How many more will be willing to get hundreds or thousands of dollars just to perform the lewd acts, (even though it may grieve his or her soul)? Money is not everything in this world, but it is something that some people are lacking or desiring very badly and that's how it went wrong.

God forgive me... I am not here to promote, endorse or justify for the existence of the adult industry... My primary goal will be to remind people about the importance of justice and equality in this world, at least to those who are the least fortunate among us. What I meant with justice and equality is not equal to the idea of communism or socialism, as promoted by Lenin, Che, Marx and others.

My dream is not the distribution of wealth (which sadly is controlled by a very few groups of people), but more like no more poverty, no more people died because of lack of foods or medicine. A "commune" (which is the true ideal of the communism) is not necessarily bad as it was evidenced in Israel's kibbutz, which is another word for a commune, and perhaps one good example of the successful real community life styles (not communism). But sadly, not many people are now interested in living such novel idea. Most of us would rather live our lives the way we want it and "the hell" with others.

Sadly, the more money we have, the stronger we hold onto it. No wonder Jesus said that our hearts are in the place where our treasure is located. See, money not only talks, it also binds our hearts.

Can there be a better world where we can be better off (at least slightly)? Only God knows, probably not, especially if we continue doing what we're doing. However, I truly believe some good things can come up if and if only we decided to do something for others selfishly.